so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
