So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
