So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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