Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
