just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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