i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
