It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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