I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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