this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
