remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
