he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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