dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
