There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
