her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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