She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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