yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
