Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Your penis caused this!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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