Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
