Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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