dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
