What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
