I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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