I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
