ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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