She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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