Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you had me at cake vodka
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
