Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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