Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize