I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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