dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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