We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
