Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize