Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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