So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
