Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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