You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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