She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
