Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
