Christians are straight up FREAKS
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
