Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
