I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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