i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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