Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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