She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
