her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
