i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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