You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
