i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
