my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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