On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
