Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Watching her eat just hurts me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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