I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
