my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
