Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
