Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My room smells like vodka and shame
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
two words: eviction party
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
