sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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