That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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