I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
