dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
