Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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