in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
