i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize