he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
