So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
