My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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