There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So vagazzling was a success
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
