How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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