I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think my vagina is haunted
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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