I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
