like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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