i permit you to call me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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